Breathe in, Breathe out... Let it go.
Lately I have been doing a lot of stopping and thinking before doing. Something that I teach my kiddo's and something that I have done hours of research on. But jeez is it a lot harder to put into action. I believe that in the last few months, I have done a lot of growing. As an individual, a woman, a girlfriend and as an adult figure to a 7 year old. The amount of hate, envy, anger, lies, and pure drama that has entered my life has had me in a place where I needed to do some reflection. Completely out of my control, all of this came at me. Effected me, effected my day-to-day life, forced me to take a second, third, fourth look at myself. These...things that came into my life forced me to question who I am. As a whole. The pain, the hurt, the nights crying because I have worked my ass off up to this point in my life to be the best version of me. To live selflessly, to give endlessly and to make a difference in every person that enters into my life. I couldn't understand what I did to deserve the hate, envy, anger, lies and drama that forced itself into my life. And then something happened, and to be honest with you I can't even pin point what it was. Maybe it was the conversations that just kept repeating themselves yet having no outcome that made me feel any different. Maybe it was expressing myself and being open yet, still feeling...crazy. Or maybe It was just that one morning that I woke up pissed. Angry at myself for allowing all this to go on. It was two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I woke up and took 20 minutes to myself. 20 minutes to reflect, to look within, to step outside of my world that consumed me and really see it for what it had become. Guys, what I discovered, was the most breath taking thing I have ever experienced.
I am my own individual. Who I am is not defined by one person or thing or emotion. I live my
life for me and my happiness. It just so happens that my happiness includes the amazing individuals that I share my life with as a girlfriend and an adult figure to a 7 year old. It also so happens that my happiness includes helping those around me and making sure that I am a part of the big picture to bring peace and happiness into a world that seems to have lost it. Be a part of the big picture to help mental health and those that suffer from it. And there is not one person that has allowed hate, envy, anger, lies and drama to consume their life so much to then portray it onto mine, that can take who I am away from me. I can only control what is in my ability to control. I can only do what is within my reach to do. I can only worry about what is in my circle to worry about. It is my job to protect my happiness and all that that includes. To be able to do that, I need to be able to reach my happiness, my individuality, who I am. For the last 5 months, I have been working really hard to center myself. To humble myself. To allow things to roll off my back and let things go. Up until two weeks ago, I hadn't had much success. Since I have reminded myself of who I am, and all that that entails, I have become stronger, more centered, humble, happy and focused on my family, my career, me. And words on this blog will never be able to give justice to the feeling I am feeling tonight.
To those that may be struggling to see who they are because someone or something else has taken the forefront of your life and is trying to bring you down, it is not a competition. Your individuality is never up against anything or anyone else other than you. You are strong. You are your own person. Don't allow the feelings and thoughts of someone else take place of how you see yourself. If you feel yourself slipping like I did, if you feel like the hate, anger, envy, lies and drama are just too strong and you can't break free, take 20 minutes to just sit with you. In a quiet, calm room. Close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and then list all the positives. The positives about you, your work, your hobbies, your pride and your passion. The positive people in your life, the person that those people are helping you to become. Once that 20 minutes is up, take note of how centered you feel. How empowered you feel, and when the minute you step back into your life, the minute that hate, anger, envy, lies and drama try to knock on your door... Breathe in, Breathe out and let it go. You can only control what is in your ability to control. And it is not your responsibility to prove yourself to someone or something that has no interest in seeing the positive, because they are so focused on the negative. You are your own person. No one, nothing, can ever take that away from you unless you allow it. Don't allow it. Breathe in, Breathe out... Let it go.
